Have you ever stopped to contemplate your existence? I don't mean the standard "what's the meaning of life question." Have you ever really sat with our Sovereign and had a meaningful dialogue about who you are and why you are here? The day I did, it was life-changing conversation.
Growing up, I was honestly not very valued as a person or in voice. I was abused sexually, verbally, and emotionally quite a bit, so I learned early that personal value and self-worth were for other more worthy people, not me. It's amazing what you carry from childhood into your future. I certainly lived that self-loathing in almost every area of my life. Just about everything I did was either trying to make sure I was seen as worthy of love and respect, or was the opposite self-defeating settling for more mistreatment. It played out in relationships, in the workplace, in school, in church, everywhere. It was a neverending crabs in a bucket climb on an endless number of ladder rungs.
I remember when it finally hit me that I needed to change. I was still wading through life trying to find acceptance and do my version of ministry ( I say "my version" because at the time I had no idea it was really just operating in talent and finding any form of personal praise I could earn). I had a great job, and I settled on a man to marry, which turned out to be a complete disaster. I thought I was living my best life until I discovered I wasnt.
When everything comes crashing down it plays no games! Life completely fell apart from the discovery of his hidden sexuality and relationship secrets, secret drug abuse, to being fired for missing work due to depression. Of course losing the job meant eventually losing the house, which resulted in my children and I moving back into my mom's. How humiliating. Thirty-something and going backwards was my epitome of shame at the time. Could it get worse? Yep. I had to relinquish custody of my children to their father, and shortly after my mom came home and said, "Yea, it's stage 4 cancer."
We have such a way of building up our lives on our own with what we believe success is. I understand why people who lose their version of their empires fall completely apart. Just when I thought I was settled into as good as it was going to get, life said, "no ma'am."
At the time the crushing felt like the world was ending. I could barely breathe or stand up straight. The days were like walking through water, but in that time I was also pressed to have conversation with God that I had only half-heartedly been having prior to. That, is where everything changed.
Sometimes you just know (as a believer) that God wants your undivided attention. I kept hearing, "Trust me" over and over. I had no clue how to honestly. I had only ever broken into His presence for emotional hits and immediate prayers that needed answering. I heard of this trust or faith walk before, and now I was definitely going to find out what it really meant. All it took was a yes.
I kept hearing, "Seek ye first the kingdom..." and I must admit, that got rather annoying. Then it hit me, maybe I was missing what the definitions of seeking and kingdom were. My mom's church just happened to be on a study of kingdom and reading a kingdom book my Myles Munroe (please read his series of books if you haven't, life-changing). How divine! It was there that I discovered seeking is a relentless pursuit, not a one and done, and kingdom was/is His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
Don't underestimate that last part. Many assume kingdom only exists to take dominion over the earth. We seem to be quite disconnected from what that means because beyond prayer we aren't quite sure and are often not taught what else to do. So, we settle for the "amen we have power," but never actually embrace and use said authority.
Here is a place where I believe the dialogue falls short. The will of God for dominion over the earth INCLUDES a will for your existence. Your very existence and understanding the complete plan God intended for your life is NECESSARY for accomplishing His global will. You becoming what He intended beyond the minimum of salvation matters! Most of us do no more than what religion taught us to do. You are meant to be greater than the gathering! Without this knowledge we make so many "logical" assumptions and take our lives into our own hands as if we don't belong to God. We even go so far as to say dumb things like God isn't concerned all that much about XYZ when in fact the WORD explicitly tells us to never lean on our own understanding and in everything we set out to do to acknowledge (run it by) Him. We even believe God isn't interested in our decision on who we marry! But we preach purpose and KNOW we can choose wrong. It's baffling the way a confused mind works isn't it? Ask me how I know!
We pray, "God be made big in the earth," well... who do you think He is going to be made big and known through? He desires His character to be made clear down here. He desires to draw all men, and has chosen YOU as his writing pen and movie set!
How do I know? There's a context clue embedded in a cool little text Jeremiah 1:5 which reads: “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”
How dope is it to know God knew him BEFORE He FORMED him? He had already preexisted in a realm with God even if it was just as a thought in God's mind! We all know how creative God's mind is! Just look at the numerous species of birds, and don't even get me started on the entire world under the ocean, and on the solar system! A trip back through Genesis where the earth was without form and void, and darkness covered it, to the very creation of humankind in HIS image is fascinating and astounding to say the least. Have you ever just stood at the shores of the beach and marveled at how the ocean can only come so far? His mighty Word has only given it so much permission and thereby we are not consumed! It's AMAZING! I digress...
He asked me what makes me any different than Jeremiah? He reminded me that He FORMED me. Don't miss that. His formations have their own unique purpose! The same God who said, "Let there be light," and light burst forth rolling back darkness, traveling at its designated speed, shining as bright as it was expected to, is the SAME God that said, "Let there be ________ insert your name! He formed you in the womb expecting to receive the harvest of His Word! You do NOT exist aimlessly!!!!!
We get caught up post birth following the world's systems. Not all are bad, but we forsake purpose and often don't even know to seek assignment! It was at this place where the Great I Am said to me, You too are a Word. I've waited while you did all you could to shape and mold your life, but now let's reset. I already had the blueprint for you. I was waiting for you to come to this time of relentless pursuit so that your life can look like what I formed it to.
I had a successful career in Human Resources making a six-figure salary. I was a top boss and thought that was success only to discover it was counterfeit. I wasn't the harvest He intended. Imagine buying apple seeds, planting them, and bananas grow. You'd probably be quite angry. You'd go back to the store and complain most likely because the package was deceiving.
Well, when we forsake to seek, our package too is deceptive! We can look the religious part, but if we fail to become what the Potter intended all we are is show... frauds with a few praises on our lips. Whew!
When He spoke your name, embedded in His breath was your divine destiny, and all the equipping and resources you would need to produce. In one breath, all his thoughts concerning you from the cradle to the grave existed. Everything He would do through you was already decided. All of the power of Himself that He intended to be physically displayed through you was already established. What He did with Moses and the staff was not a game. Neither is his hand on your life and what He wants to do with it! It's incomprehensible but possible!!!!!!
He deploys us in a variety of areas! Think beyond church. He can display His character and authority through you as an actress or playwright, as a businessman or lawyer, as a surgeon, or psychiatrist, as an educator or life coach, as a friend or a parent, as a prophet or apostle, as a football player or cheerleader, as a painter or a singer, a chef, or ceo!
Where you fail to let the seedling of your divine self sprout and grow massively, who is dying because of your delay? Discovery is exciting with God no matter how daunting it is to believe YOU are truly GREAT!!!!!!
So... how do I get to this discovery? Why I am glad you asked. After having read all this, let the seeking begin! Start by asking, "Who am I, and why am I here? Remember it's not a one and done. You can tell how meaningful and impactful your prayer life is when your life starts changing, things start breaking and healing, and you are growing so much closer to Him! Perhaps in another blog we will deal with a meaningful prayer life, but for now, understand that you get out of it what you pour into it. He does not beg. Your resolve and commitment will be tested. Daily you should be seeking and spending time with Him in the Word and in worship! The more you discipline yourself, the easier it gets. Suddenly you start getting lost in His presence. That my friends is where the greatest discovery of who He is and who YOU are in relationship to Him lies. Don't forsake it. Don't avoid it. Don't lazy your way through it. Discover the secrets the enemy is hoping you'll never find out! Don't you want to walk as a Word? As the Human authority of the Word? To literally BE the word in action? It feels like no other feeling I can describe, and only requires your effort. Stop settling for less than who He says you are! No more hesitating for temporary gratification. You are a Word and we are hungry!!!! Feed us!
Father, thank You for reminding us We are a Word from your mouth, which is so much bigger and so much more powerful than our limited human brains can even fathom. We dare to say it's almost awkward to see ourselves this way, but with You all things are possible. Nudge us, drag us, pull us, until we course correct and BECOME all you intended to harvest through us. Help us not to put this work off and go back to more of the same. Renew us by the transforming of our minds. We want to discover more than what we know, and even more after that and that! Course correct us until we look like You, think like You, act like You, care like You, and sound like You.
-- Apostle Rein Johnson
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